So, my husband has decided he wants to be a non-smoker. I am glad. I would really like us to live to be 100! I have no problem not smoking, but it is hard when he smokes. So, they are calling him in some Chantix.... so non-smoking is gonna be the new smoking! LOL I think it will make him feel better and be around longer, so I am all for it!!
I just want to get on a little rant about marriage... not mine, other people's! LOL I think all of these people have this warped image of what marriage is supposed to be, so when it turns out not to be what they think, they quit and run for divorce court. Here is what I have to say about it.
1. Marriage is not some sort of daily fairy tale. And for those of you saying, "but mine is," it really isn't. If it seems that way right now, you are in for a real shake up when the real world sticks it's ugly little head in.
2. Marriage is not about one person getting what they want all the time. It is about a 50/50 partnership. If you are still workin a 70/30 system, you are screwed.
3. Marriage is not a competition of who's is better or who's life is more glamorous..... marriage is not glamorous... it is everyday!!
4. When the going gets tough, you cannot quit. The grass really isn't greener on the other side. I am not sure what all of these people are thinking. It seems like all anybody wants to do these days is give up and go have a good time.... sometimes what you have is great and you are too damn stupid to see it!!!
5. The first year of marriage is not all rosey like people want you to think. Although it is mostly wonderful, it requires a great deal of adjustment and work to make it a good fit......
6. The people around you have to be with you as a couple.... not for one of you and on your side. All the people you surround yourself with have to be in support of you as a couple... there are no sides to be taken in a marriage. And although it may make you feel vindicated that someone is "on your side," it is really not good for your marriage. If they are "on your side," they are against your partnership!!!
So here is what I have to say to sum it up. When you make a commitment before God and the people you love to be married to another person, you are making a commitment to tough it out through good and bad times..... unless you are abused or cheated on.... then by all means get the hell out!!! And about that.... Cheating. Here is my take on cheating. There are two kinds of cheaters. Those who cheat because they are cheaters, and those who cheat because they have lost there way. I believe that sometimes people get lost in their marriage and may stray off course and cheat once. I think those people may need to do that in order to realize their love for the person they are with... if you are this person and have done this, and it makes you realize where you are meant to me, then leave it in the past and move on with a new commitment to your spouse. If it really was just a reality check, do not destroy the person you love by telling them.... if you can move forward and be committed your spouse forever... do it! After all, we are all human!
Now, for all of these people in fairy tale land. Those Disney like fairy tales that we grow up dreaming of are not reality. Reality is the everyday. Some days are going to be great and some just ok and others really crappy. The trick is to remember why you fell in love with that person and keeping on loving them. Real love is day to day. It is working in the yard, and playing with your kids, and watching movies, and paying bills. Sometimes we misplace our fairy tale. I have decided the trick to a healthy lasting marriage is finding ways to keep falling in love all over again. It can be as simple as a comment or doing a project together. But, you have to find a way to keep falling in love. It is not ok to just love a person.... you have to be in love. These are two completely seperate things! So, the thing is, it may not be "work" to be married, but it does require an effort and a commitment everyday, not just when things are good!!
So, that is my rant on marriage. I am so sick of people giving up or constantly bitching about their marriages.... all that time spent searching for something to be perfect or bitching when it's not could be better spent finding quality ways to renew your commitment to each other! And for those of you who are not married.... think about who you are committing to and do you really want to wake up next to them everyday. Cause if you are not sure, you cannot do it. You cannot get married as a result of convenience or circumstance. It won't work if you do!!!
I am glad I chose the person I chose.... for all of his faults I love him. I love him everyday. I want to choke him sometimes, but I always love him. I love falling in love with him every chance I get. I love being in a crowd of people and catching a glance from across the room that makes me melt into him again. I love when he acts stupid and goofy and makes me laugh. I love when he really irritates me and then acts silly to make forget he irritated me. I love the way he looks at me when I sing. I love the little glimmer I get from him when I know in that moment he is falling in love with me again. I love when he walks in the door after being at work all day. I love sitting in the garage all sweaty after we have worked outside together. I love watching him cut up with my Mom and picking at her. I love the way he laughs like a little kid when something is really funny. For all the times I have wondered why, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he really loves me.... not in a fairy tale kind of way, but everyday!!! So, people if you have not found this kind of love.... I am sorry. Start searching now and hopefully you will find it. I wish everyone could have 1/2 of the happiness I have found.... because it is really something!
So that's it.... that is what I have to say about marriage. For those of you thinking this is about you, it's probably not. I am just really sick of watching marriage crumble because people a looking for something that may be right in front of their faces!!!
That's all for today, my last day of break! Back to reality tomorrow.
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